SALT LAKE CITY – Jesus Christ arrived on Earth last week. Long believed a fair-skinned man, the pious were astonished to witness their savior return as a man of color.

While visiting a cousin at his house in the West Valley City neighborhood, Jesus was gunned down by an SLC Police Drug Task Force as they carried out a high-risk warrant. Jesus’ cousin, Hakim, was a mid-level drug dealer. The warrant for his arrest detailed multiple charges of intent to distribute and possession. The reason for the Prophet’s presence was to dissuade Hakim from continuing his drug enterprise. Hakim’s mother, Polly, had prayed to God for years to help. Like all good family members, Jesus intervened.

But God’s only son was met by 83 gunshots from SLC Police. The police incident report, recently released, detailed Jesus turning suddenly when the police entered and waving a slight of hand gesture with two fingers. The officers deemed this a hostile threat and opened fire.

The Task Force commander has been put on paid leave while the department conducts its investigation. Polly was the sole survivor of the raid. “My poor child and his cousin were murdered today. Lord help me! But he can’t any longer.”

The incident sparked a public outcry. Multiple state attorneys have petitioned for SLCPD to release the autopsy photos of the victims. SLCPD did confirm that Jesus’ body was riddled with bullets, and additional holes were consistent with stigmata. They’re “pretty certain” it was him. But others believe a strong anti-Christian sentiment is at play since SLCPD won’t release these images.

The Pope himself released a statement. “The Catholic Church has decided to sever all ties with the deceased. We feel his Holiness would never put himself in such a situation. If he didn’t want to get shot, he shouldn’t have been hanging out with thugs.” American Catholics have lambasted the Church’s response. Surprisingly, a sense of unity has washed over the United States. Black congregations, along with predominantly white parishes, have banded together in solidarity over this tragic incident.

Jesse Jackson marched with members from the Church of the Latter-Day Saints this Tuesday. He said, “We have come together to honor the death of our Lord and Savior. Enough is enough. How many of God’s children must die for change to happen? He died, again. I think it’s really time for something to be done.”

Shortly after Jesus’ body arrived at the city morgue, his body rose back up to Heaven. A note was left behind on the gurney where he once lay. It read: “Won’t return until you figure your shit out. [signed] JC. PS: Tupac is really dead.”