Getting closer to finishing Chapter 15. No particular wisdom to share. Only that a piece of lunch has been stuck in the back of my molar all day. And I don’t have any floss.

There is a strong, deep fear that the book I’m writing is, legitimately, bad. Not like “you’re being too hard on yourself” kind of self-criticism, but I am genuinely questioning its quality, and myself, not just as a writer, but as a person. (Too many commas in that last sentence.) I’ve spent over a decade working on this idea, developing it, reimagining it, rewriting it. If I was to glean any wisdom from this experience, I know I have a much better understanding of myself as a human being. Unfortunately, this doesn’t equate to a higher salary, a bigger living space, or more vacation days. Self-discovery is a value unto itself. But, I sure do wish it would generate maybe another power of ten for my paycheck.

To continue this dialogue…

Doing the work on one’s self and pursuing that honest perspective of who you are isn’t exactly the most rewarding experience. You tell yourself: “I couldn’t believe I was so blind” and “Did I really get upset over that?” and “In what world, was that a good idea?”

There are parallels between writing this book and knowing one’s self. You are presented with the harsh, unvarnished truth. It’s unsettling. Self-discovery, for all its promises of a better mind, body, and soul, can generate some pretty damning evidence. You’ve been caught red-handed, naked, and in a vulnerable, compromising situation.

Simply, enlightenment can be depressing. You’re told you’re supposed to feel better, feel lighter, experience the catharsis. Maybe it’s supposed to be depressing. Life is suffering, right?

(Aside) Doesn’t it suck when you don’t win the lottery? Don’t you feel like you’re owed that money? Because, you would do wealth the right way. You know better, far better, than anyone else how to spend untold, unearned millions of dollars.

Back to regularly scheduled programming…

But if you do the work, then things will happen.

(Aside) Do you ever throw up a little bit when someone is trying to be motivational and positive, especially on a day like today?